Day 2: unknowing

So, its been like 112 years since I've blogged, but thats ok I'm unique... except for lots of people neglect their blogs so I just dont know. yeah, I really just DONT KNOW! right now Im in this place in my life where I dont know what to do, or what I want, or where to go, or what to eat, or what to wear, or... well you get the idea. I'm just stuck, which, to me, isnt a great feeling. I know that I'll move past this, but for now I just dont know. I look at other people and I see people who know exactly what they want and how theyre going go get it, and I look at other people and they know exactly what they want, but dont know how to go about getting it, and I see people who dont know what they want but are fine the way they are, and I see people who dont even care about anything but what they are doing at the time, but there's no category for me: "I kindof know what I think would be fun, but Im tired of sitting in limbo so Im gonna go to college and hope it fixes all my problems/ I really just dont know!!"

I didnt really know how much I didnt know (thats a fun sentance) what I was doing with my life until my last trip down to St. George. I love going down to St. George because thats where my life is, that is, so far, where I've been happiest and I have missed it so much since I moved back to Salt lake. Anyway, I spent some time catching up with friends and just having an awesome weekend, but I realized that whenever someone would ask my what I was up to, I didnt like my response... "oh, I'm taking a year off of school to save up for college and I'm working 3 jobs" *shutter* every time I would say that I would just think to myself how pathetic I am. I was surrounded by all these people who were doing things with their lives and then there was me... So obviously being the determined cancer I am, as soon as I returned from St. George I knew something had to change, first of all, I needed to figure out when I was going back for a visit (I need something to look forward to). second, I dont know what I want to do with my life, but I might as well be happy while I'm figuring it out, so, I decided "why not start off at Dixie?" All my friends are there, I love St. George, they have a good theatre program (I'm gonna start off there, since, I just love technical theatre..) nice weather, I can transfer my job there, and I'll be happy :). and third of all, I realized I really need to get my ass in gear and save up so that I can move to St. George!

There's no way I can ever know that this is the right path for me in the long run, but I do know that I will be happier and I will learn by doing. All I know is that I DONT KNOW and that's ok for now because I'm gonna travel down this path of life and I'm gonna see where it takes me! I've got my whole life ahead of me and I dont want to spend it worrying or being alone and unhappy! If anything this year off/ away has taught me hardwork, and that a life lived in worry is no life for me I want to live in the moment! my favorite quote from the musical Rent is "NO DAY BUT TODAY" and I want to strive to live like that because life is short and you gotta have fun! Its ok to be a kid! It's ok to want to be with your friends! I'm not saying you dont have to be responsible but you can be responsible under your own terms, and thats what I'm basing my decisions on and if people judge me then let them judge me, I'm doing whats best for me and thats how it should be.

Day 1: Simple

Once upon a time...... before time began..... hey what's up..... I feel like.... I dont really know how to start, but this is my first blog ever so thats fun. I've debated for a long time whether to get a blog or not and then I just decided to get one. Why not?? Anyway this blog is called "Day 1: Simple" because I want to try and number the days I blog, obviously this one is my first therefore it is "Day 1", and for every day I want to make emphasis on a word or two (maybe more?). I'm not promising I'm gonna stay consistant I never know if I'm gonna have some crazy life experience that I need to talk about, but for now thats how it's gonna be!

Today the word is Simple, simply becasue today was simple, but I felt like thats all it needed to be: Simple. I woke at 11 (11:04 a.m.) to be exact and didn't feel the need to do anything today, no expectations. It was interesting because usually I think I need to text someone or take care of the dog or clean my room, but not today I just got up and did what I wanted to do. I know this isn't philosophical like other blogs I've seen it's just honest I guess. When my nephews and neice came home from school I watched them play outside and saw how simple it was for them to have fun, they could've played with anything out there and still had the time of their lives! As I was watching them play the song "Let's Got Fly a Kite" popped into my head and immediately I went and got my Ipod and I home and blasted it outside. Surprisingly the kids knew the song and they sang a long! The events of this day made me realize that even though my life is simple right now, meaning that I dont have much going on, it can still be fun if you make it! Kind of like another song from Mary Poppins "Anything Can Happen if You Let It".

p.s. I dont really care if people like my blog or even read it, I think its fun so I'm gonna do it.... also, I'll probably quote music/ musicals a lot :)